A Feeling
by becky69lu
Summary: Lapis had trouble figuring out the things she was feeling for her barn mate.


For awhile now Lapis had trouble figuring out the things she was feeling for her barn mate.

When Peridots face lit up in excitement, Lapis couldn't help her own face curling up into a smile even if it was brief. When Peridot sat next to Lapis and spoke with passion about something new she learned about earth, she was content. She found herself not really listening to the long ramble spewing out of her mouth in quick words, but instead focusing on Peridot herself. The way her smile never left her lips, or the way she spoke freely to Lapis as if she was an old friend. She couldn't help getting flustered over the way Peridots eyes sparkled brightly, or the way some days she'd be sitting just a little too close.

 ** _'I love her.'_**

The thought hit her like a train one afternoon as she stared up at the clouds, Peridot next to her rambling about how the 'internet' worked. When it hit her, she froze. Why does she feel this way? Out of all the gems, why _her_? Why the one who imprisoned her on her ship, interrogated her, and dragged her back to the place where she was originally imprisoned?

For this alone she should loathe Peridot. She should be filled to the brim with rage for all the things she'd done to her. She wasn't though. That's what was scary. Instead of feeling immense rage or regret, she felt free. It was irony in itself.

Peridot made her feel safe. Whenever Lapis was feeling down for what ever reason, Peridot would stop what she was doing and attempt to comfort her friend. Even when Lapis had no negative feelings, Peridot would attempt to get her to watch something called 'TV' with her. She would try to drag Lapis piece by piece out of her shell of misery and self pity. Even when Peridot had moments herself, when she would realize all the things shes done, all the betrayal she has commited, she would still prefer to help Lapis.

And Lapis didn't feel like she deserved it.

She didn't deserve all the kindness Peridot has shown her. So when this realization dawned on Lapis, she froze.

It didn't go unnoticed.

"Lapis..?" Peridot asked. She had started to call her Lapis opposed to Lazuli upon request. Getting called Lazuli only made her have flashbacks to when they were on the ship. Lapis didn't want that, and shes glad Peridot respected that decision.

Instead of replying, she just glanced her eyes in Peridots general direction. She felt a warm green hand gently touch Lapis' shoulder, as if she would break upon impact.

She flinched. Not because the touch was unwanted, but because she really wanted the touch. "Sorry! I didn't mean to.." Peridot quickly moved her hand away like she had touched bees again. Just as quickly as she removed her hand was just as quickly Lapis had wrapped her hand around Peridots wrist.

"L-lapis?" She blushed in response. "Sorry.." Lapis whispered non-chalantly as she let go of Peridots wrist. "Whats going on?" Lapis smiled at her question. She had no idea how to respond. She didn't want to blurt out 'I love you' because that would be too strong for now and it might scare off Peridot. Instead she settled for something she knew Peridot would understand.

"I've been having this...feeling. I just realized what it was, thats all." Lapis said. She glanced at Peridot, whom at worry evident in her eyes. "O-oh..What feeling?" Lapis smiled wider.

"You know how Percy feels about Paulette?" Lapis asked.

Peridot rolled her eyes. "Ugh..Don't even get me started on that. Paulette is so-" Lapis cut her off. "I feel about you, the way Percy feels about Paulette."

A loud squeak came from Peridot as well as a bright green blush. Lapis couldn't help but chuckle at her response. She could be cute sometimes.

"I-I well! Um uh-h... You're fortunate Laz-..Lapis! Because I have the same overall feeling as you do!" She tried to sound confident and smart in her words, but to Lapis she was just a big dork. Lapis' smile grew wider at her words. Without thinking, she jumped into Peridot, wrapping her arms tightly around her.

"Really?" She mumbled into her blonde hair. She could feel the heat radiating from her cheeks. "Of course." 2 small arms finally wrapped around her waist, gripping firmly. Lapis sighed into the touch.

Perhaps feeling like this wasn't as bad as she thought.


End file.
